||[Nov. 13th, 2006|11:49 am]
Adult Fan Fiction for the HMS Harmony
Okay, this story is a year old but I didn't know a lot about LJ back then and I can't remember how much exposure this story got or if I even posted it here. It's one of my favorites, I think I also had it on Portkey but I took most of my stories off to review them and revise. Anyway, I wanted to post this here as a treat for my fellow H/Hr shippers, anyone need a little H/Hr fluff/smut? Harry and Hermione...in love as always!
Title: Veritas Redux
Pairing: H/Hr, starts off V/Hr
Summary: Viktor helps Hermione realize a truth she's been avoiding
“Merlin, why don't you just let yourself enjoy it?” Hermione thought yet again as Viktor's lips pressed against hers. His strong arms pulled her close to him and she felt herself tense in spite of herself.
“Hermione,” Viktor murmured against her mouth, “my beautiful girl...”
He deepened the kiss, trying to get her to open her lips against his. Hermione closed her eyes and tried again to lose herself in Viktor's arms. But the same thought crept into her mind once again....he's not Harry.
She whimpered softly as Viktor's tongue sought hers, he pressed her back against the sofa cushions, his hand running gently up her waist to caress her breast. Hermione allowed him to feel her through her shirt but as his fingers began to seek the buttons, her heart began to pound and she pulled her mouth off of his. Viktor immediately began to kiss her neck, trying to unbutton her shirt as he pressed his body even closer, urging her to lie down beneath him.
She couldn't do it.
She pressed her hands against his chest. “Viktor, no, please, I can't.” she said, her voice breathless.
He stopped right away and his brow furrowed as his hard, dark eyes sought hers.
“Hermione, what is it?” he said in his rough accent, “you do not like what I do to you?”
Hermione stared back at him. She didn't want to hurt him, she cared for him deeply but she just couldn't make herself give in to his lovemaking. He was always gentle with her but that wasn't it. His lips weren't the lips she wanted against hers, his hands not the hands she wanted caressing her breasts. She didn't want those dark eyes staring into hers, she wanted a certain pair of green ones. That she suddenly realized this nearly took her breath away.
She wasn't quite sure why at this moment she would feel this way. Maybe it was because for the first time there was real possibility that a man intended to make love to her. The realization that she wanted it to be Harry was...unbelievable. The rational side of her brain was suddenly working overtime. Are you serious? Harry? Your best friend, the boy you've known since you were eleven? The boy who has become a man with a destiny that frightens you so much you sometimes feel like you can't breathe?
Then why won't you let Viktor make love to you?
The last two years flashed in her mind as she remembered the times she and Viktor had spent together. In reality they had not had much time together, days, sometimes a week spent during the summers. Exploring old Bulgarian cities, a tour of London, a summer holiday in Scotland, the occasional picnic by a scenic lake, even a Quidditch match or two. It was all very platonic at first, Viktor ever the gentleman, until last year when he had begun to steal kisses. She didn't mind really, his kisses were sweet and he made her feel very special and loved. When she was with him, she could forget. Almost. She didn't have to think about losing Harry. Didn't have to think of him joined in battle with Voldemort, fighting for his life and the future of their world. But their times together were brief and did little to quench her fear over Harry. But she allowed Viktor to continue to plan their times together and they wrote each other letters back and forth and it was all so...comforting.
But lately, Viktor had begun to show signs of wanting their relationship to go forward. She tried to tell him about the events of the past school year but other than Dumbledore's death, she wasn't able to explain everything to him. He couldn't understand why it was necessary for her to go with Harry on a quest of which he knew little about. How could she explain to him that her world was falling apart? That she had to follow her best friend on a mission that might take his life? That the very thought of losing him made her heart twist with pain?
She couldn't explain. So she tried to distract him when he would kiss her a bit too deeply, when his hands wandered where she didn't quite want them. She looked away when he would gaze at her with a look that was more than just friendly. But it was getting harder and harder to distract him. She knew the time had come when she could no longer continue to be unfair to him. Because it wasn't right to make him think they had a future together when she knew that could never be. Not as long as Harry needed her.
“Viktor,” she said softly, “It's not that I don't like it, I do, it's just...well, it's hard to explain what I'm feeling right now.”
Viktor looked at her hard again and suddenly stood up, walking over by the fireplace. He stared into the flames for a moment before speaking.
“I think, Hermione, that you do not wish to be honest with me. I think you know what is the problem. You just cannot say it to me.” he said quietly.
“What do you mean?” Hermione said swallowing hard, she could feel her face flushing with his words.
Viktor turned around to face her. “I mean, when are you going to tell him that you are in love with him?” he said.
Hermione's breath quickened and she felt her heart begin to race again. How could he know? Oh God, was she that obvious?
“Viktor,” she stammered, “I-I don't know what you are talking about.”
Viktor turned around quickly, his hands fisting. “You must face this, Hermione!” he said angrily, his voice rising. “I cannot go on having you pretend that you love me!”
“Pretend? Viktor, I have never lied to you!” Hermione said, “I'm not seeing anyone else!”
“No, you think you are not! But you will not face the truth. You will not admit that you cannot love me. Not when you are in love with him!” he said.
“Viktor, please,” Hermione pleaded, “what are you talking about? Why do you think I'm in love with someone else?”
“Because ever since I have known you, I have seen. The way you touch him, the way you look at him, the way you worry for him. He consumes you, Hermione. No other man can compete with him for your love. I have realized that, finally. I have admitted that truth. Now, I need for you to do that.” Viktor said.
He walked over to the sofa again and sat down next to her. He reached up to smooth one of her curls and then stroked her cheek.
“Hermione,” he said, “I love you. I do. I want you for myself but I want you to love me, too. But I do not think that you can do this. I wish that there was a place in your heart for me but I think it is too full for me. Too full of Harry Potter.”
Hermione looked away, her face flaming. She knew he had spoken the truth but she just couldn't face him.
“Viktor,” she whispered, “he's my best friend. We've just always been...friends. He's not in love with me.”
He reached over to turn her to face him, his hand cupping her chin.
“Hermione, look at me,” he said, “I have heard this story from you and from Harry for over 3 years now. We have been seeing each other for 2 years now and still you cannot let me love you. I feel how you tense when I hold you, I feel how you do not let yourself go when I kiss you. I know you care for me, but you do not feel for me what you feel for Harry. You love him. And I believe he loves you, too. I see the way he looks at you, the way he touches you, how he protects you. He, too, cannot make himself say what he wants to say to you. You both are fooling yourselves, thinking that you are only friends.”
Hermione's eyes shone with tears as she realized the truth of Viktor's words. She hugged him and pressed her ear to his chest, hearing the thump of his heart. She didn't really want it to be over between them but she knew she could never love him the way she loved Harry. It wasn't fair to keep him hanging on with a false hope that she ever could.
“Viktor,” she said softly, “I don't want to hurt you. You have been so good to me these years. You've helped me so much and you've made me feel special. But you deserve a woman who loves you truly. You are worth loving and I'm sorry I can't be the one who loves you. I really am.”
“I know, Hermione,” he said, “I know. I wish you could be the one, too. You mean everything to me and I wish I could fight for you. But I know I would not win. I saw even back 3 years ago how much you feel for Harry. I have just been trying to hope that it would go away. But it just gets stronger.”
“But Viktor, I don't know if Harry loves me that way.” Hermione said, the tears coming heavier. She clutched at him and choked back a sob.
“Hermione, he does.” Viktor said soothingly, “He just doesn't realize the truth anymore than you did.”
“But he has so much to deal with,” Hermione said shakingly, “V-Voldemort is still out there, there's so much to worry about, we haven't got much time...”
“Hermione, I may not quite understand about this quest you must make but I know Harry is determined and he knows he has to face the destiny he has. But you are his destiny, too. He needs you, badly.” Victor said.
He paused and looked at her sadly, saying in a low voice, “I need you, too, but I can't have you, I know that now.”
Hermione lifted her head and wiped her tears. She reached up to cup his cheek with her hand, her gesture tender.
“Oh, Viktor,” Hermione said, “You have meant so much to me but I know that in many ways I haven't been fair to you. I guess I can't face the thought of loving Harry and losing him. But I can't deny it anymore. Because I love him more than life. I will do anything to help him and I will believe with all my heart that he can defeat Voldemort. He has to...because I know I can't survive without him.”
The silence between them was absolute. The fire crackled in the hearth, Viktor sighed softly and leaned down to brush her lips with his.
“So you finally speak the truth,” he said in a low voice.
“I'm sorry,” Hermione whispered.
“No, there is no need for regret,” Viktor said, smiling sadly, “it was I who started this. I, who forced you to tell me that truth. I wanted to go on pretending that you could love me like that, but I know now that it is impossible. And what I truly want is for you to be happy, Hermione. But I could never make you completely happy, not like he can.”
“You did give me happiness, Viktor,” Hermione said gently, “Please believe me when I say that. I-I just can't give you my heart.”
“No,” Viktor said, “ not when it belongs to Harry.”
Hermione smiled and leaned up to kiss him one last time. Viktor stood and took her hands in his.
“I think now I should take you home. To him, where you belong.” he said.
They walked in silence up to the door at 12 Grimmauld Place. The darkness surrounded them as they stood at the door, both unwilling to have the moment end yet knowing it must. Viktor suddenly pulled her close and crushed his mouth to hers, kissing her with all of his passion. Just as suddenly he tore his mouth away, pushing her away from him.
“Goodbye, my Hermione,” he said in his familiar rough voice, “I will love you always. Go, be happy now. Go to him.”
Hermione's eyes glistened with tears as she watched him walk away. She pressed her hand to her mouth, holding back a sob. She knew it needed to be like this but it still hurt. She had to be fair to Viktor. But she was afraid. Still afraid that no matter how much she loved Harry, he wouldn't be able or willing to return her love. She turned to open the heavy front door. She had to be brave, to be strong. She closed the door behind her, standing in the dark foyer, trembling. There were no lights, just the flickering of the flames from the fireplace in the front room. She hung her coat up and walked softly in the room. The high backs of the armchairs that sat by the fireplace obscured anyone sitting in them, she didn't know if Harry was awake or not. Her heart was pounding and she stood there, quiet and still.
Harry's voice broke the silence.
“You're home late, I was starting to worry,” he said quietly, his voice sounding oddly strained.
Hermione swallowed and tried to keep her voice steady. “Well, you knew I was with Viktor. You knew I'd be all right.”
Harry didn't answer, just grunted quietly.
Hermione walked up behind the chair and leaned over to ruffle his hair. “So you were waiting up for me, like my big brother?”
“No, I just felt like reading,” Harry said, his voice still sounding odd, “ and I'm not your brother.”
“I know,” she said, “I was only joking. I didn't mean to worry you. We just ended up having a bit of a talk, Viktor and I.”
She walked around to sit down in the chair next to his, pulling her legs underneath her. She carefully avoided looking at him just yet. She could feel him looking at her.
“Hermione, are you okay?” he asked, “What did you two have to talk about? I thought you guys didn't talk much? You know, he's more of a physical being? The big git.”
Hermione felt her insides twist a little. Was Harry sounding a bit jealous? When did he suddenly become jealous of Viktor? Had she missed something? Or was he joking? She tried to laugh a little but it didn't come out very well. She suddenly felt like crying again.
Harry stood up and walked over to her. She bent her head down, wiping quickly at the tears that were coming again. Harry cupped her chin with his hand and lifted her face. His eyes narrowed as he stared at her face.
“Hermione,” he said, “have you been crying?” He knelt down in front of her, his hands on either side of her face, searching her eyes.
“Did he hurt you?” he said, his voice deepening, “Hermione, did he hurt you? I'll curse him to within an inch of his life if he hurt you....”
“No, no,” Hermione said quickly, “of course he didn't, Harry. We just...had a talk. A long overdue talk. We...we ended things. It's over between us. Over.”
She ducked her head, hiding her tears from Harry. But he was having none of it. He pulled her into his arms, pressing her head against his chest. The dam broke and she wrapped her arms around him as her sobs echoed around the room. Harry held her tightly, letting her cry. Hermione felt her knees giving way from all the emotion and Harry quickly picked her up in his arms and carried her over to the couch. He sat down, holding her like a baby, while she cried. He didn't say a word, just held her until her tears began to subside.
Neither spoke for several minutes. The fire crackled and popped, the clock ticked, then Harry's voice broke the silence again.
“Did you love him that much?” he said in almost a whisper.
Hermione looked up at him quickly, her heart beginning to race again. Was that fear in his voice? Was it possible that he was afraid she was in love with Viktor?
Her voice was shaking as she spoke, “Harry, no, that was the problem, I was never in love with him. And he knew that. He made me face a truth tonight that I've been avoiding for quite some time now. I knew I had to face it when I couldn't let him make love to me.”
Harry's arms tightened around her suddenly. His voice sounded cold and distant. “He wanted to make love to you? Did he try to force you?”
Hermione was stunned, there was definitely something wrong here. Harry had never been this concerned over her relationship with Viktor. He had always seemed supportive of it. What was going on?
“N-no, Harry, of course he didn't. I mean, he wanted to, but I just couldn't. As much as I liked Viktor, I just couldn't give myself to a man I didn't love. Especially when I realized I was in love with someone else.” she said, her voice breaking.
She stared into his eyes, trying to get him to read her mind. She just didn't know how to say it. The fear was overwhelming. How could she bear it if he didn't love her the way she loved him?
Harry watched her expression with a puzzled look. She was in love with someone else? The thought made him feel like he couldn't breathe all of a sudden. He stared down at her and what he saw in her eyes made his head swim. What was it he was seeing? Was that someone else...him? She couldn't love him...she couldn't. She was too smart, too beautiful...what was she thinking? Not when he had this horrible destiny in front of him. No, he wouldn't let her...he had to keep her safe...
But her eyes...her eyes. They were telling him all that he needed to know. He couldn't help himself, he didn't even realize he was speaking out loud.
“You mean everything to me, do you know that?” he whispered.
“Do I, Harry?” Hermione said, “do I really?”
“Hermione, you're my best friend. You've always been, you and Ron.” Harry said.
“Yes, that's it, isn't it? We're friends, aren't we?” Hermione said. She leaned in closer to him, her eyes straying to his lips, wanting to kiss him so badly.
Harry watched her face as she drew closer to him, she was flushed, her eyes still shining with tears, her lips trembling. She looked so beautiful, he suddenly wanted to kiss her. She was so close to him, he could feel her breath on his cheek.
“We're friends, aren't we, Harry,” she whispered again, “you're my best friend...always.”
“Yes,” Harry breathed, “always...”
He suddenly felt like the room had gotten considerably hotter, she felt so warm in his arms, her face inches from his, her mouth open slightly, her lips looking so soft. He couldn't stop himself, he covered her mouth with his, tasting her sweetness. He thought his head would explode. The sensations bombarded him as kissed her deeply, his tongue searching for hers. She moaned against his mouth as the kiss became desperate, as if they wanted this forever. Harry pushed her back into the soft cushions, their mouths never leaving each others', hands reaching under clothing, desperate to touch skin.
Hermione couldn't believe how much she wanted this, how right it felt with Harry. She knew she would never want another man touching her like this, kissing her like this. He was all she wanted and more.
Harry couldn't believe he was kissing Hermione like this. What had just happened? One minute he was comforting his best friend and now all he wanted to do was take her breath away. She felt so right underneath him, like she was made to fit him. She was so soft, so perfect. She tasted like perfection. He couldn't get enough of her sweet mouth, his hands began searching to touch her soft skin under her shirt.
Hermione pulled on his jumper, trying to pull it over his head. Their mouths broke apart for a moment as their shirts came off. Hermione pressed her hands against his hard chest, Harry reached under to unclasp her bra, slipping it off her shoulders. He stared at her breasts, marvelling at how perfect they looked. He suddenly wanted to taste them as well. Hermione put her hand at the back of his head and pushed his head towards her breasts.
“Kiss me, Harry,” she whispered, “I want to feel your mouth on me.”
Harry needed no more encouragement, he eagerly swirled his tongue around her nipples, taking her breast into his mouth. Sweet Merlin, she tasted good! He still couldn't believe this was happening. Was he really making love to Hermione? She was wanting him to?
No, no, he had to stop this. She couldn't love him. She wouldn't be safe...
He pushed up with his arms, flinging himself away from her. He cradled his head in his arms, trying to slow his breathing. Hermione sat up wrapping her arms around him. He tried to pull away but she wouldn't let him.
“Harry, don't pull away from me,” she said, her voice rising, “I won't let you. I'm not afraid anymore. I don't care what happens, our future will be what we make it. All I know is I love you. Do you hear me, Harry Potter? I love you. I think I always have. I will stand by you till the end. That's my destiny, okay? You're going to let me love you, Harry. Because I have to or I won't survive. Did you hear me? I won't survive. I want your love, no matter how much time we have or don't have. I love you, Harry!”
She pulled his face up to hers and crushed his lips with hers. Harry moaned as her mouth opened under his and her tongue sought his. He couldn't help himself. He knew he was lost. He loved her. He loved this woman with all of his being. He was suddenly that lost little boy in the hand-me-down clothes on his way to Wizarding school, staring at the bushy-haired little girl who had stormed into his life and taken control. Yes, she had the control. She had everything, his body, his soul, his heart.
He pushed her down into the cushions again and lost himself in her. His mouth closed over her naked breasts again and he ground his hips against hers, trying to get closer. He knew he had to have her. It didn't matter that he had never done this before, he seemed to know instinctively what to do because it was her. He just wanted to be joined with her.
Hermione moaned as he suckled her breasts. She needed more. Now. It didn't matter that this was the first time. It was Harry, it was right. She wasn't afraid of the pain, all she knew was she wanted him inside her. She wanted to be filled by him, only him.
She reached down to unzip his pants, pushing them down over his hips. He followed her lead and slipped her pants down, taking her panties with them. He reached between her legs, searching with his fingers, finding her warm wetness. She reached down to wrap her hand around his hardness, guiding it to her. Harry groaned as he felt the first touch of her wet heat against his penis. It felt incredible and it was all he could do not to push into her as hard as he could. He pressed forward gently, Hermione opened her legs wider and her hand continued to guide him in. He pushed harder, feeling her surround him, opening to him. God, he was going to die, he just knew he was. Nothing could feel this good. He felt her tightness give way as he pushed in more and Hermione gasped, grabbing his arms with her hands. She bit her lip and her eyes squeezed shut for a moment.
“Are you all right?” Harry whispered, trying not to plunge into her although every muscle was urging him to do so.
“Yes, I'm okay,” she said, breathlessly, “just go ahead, it'll be all right.”
Hermione gasped again as he filled her. He pulled back and slid in again, this time a bit harder. She felt her inner muscles relaxing and the pain was replaced by pleasure. It felt so wonderful as he filled her again and again. She wrapped her legs around his hips, her hands on his buttocks, pushing him into her harder. They kissed and kissed as their bodies became as one, Hermione pushing up against him as Harry thrust into her as deep as he could. They both began to pant as their climaxes approached. Harry buried his face into her neck as he held her tightly, his thrusts becoming frantic. Hermione screamed as she felt the intense waves of orgasm overtake her, she had never imagined it could feel like this. Harry cried out as his own orgasm hit him, his warm seed spilling into her, the waves lifting him again and again....
He collasped against her, his body shaking. Hermione held him tightly as she lowered her trembling legs. They couldn't speak, couldn't move.
As the aftershocks began to fade, Harry lifted his head to gaze down into Hermione's eyes. She held his gaze with hers, willing him to see the love she had for him in her eyes. He leaned down to kiss her softly.
“You'll always be my friend, Hermione,” he said softly, “but I need for you to know something else. I wouldn't make love to just a friend. You are more than that to me. I love you, Hermione. I always have.”
“Oh, Harry,” Hermione said, “I love you, too. So much. I always knew it deep down, but I was afraid you wouldn't feel the same. And afraid of losing you.”
“Hermione, all I know is what I have to do. I can't promise you I won't die. I can promise you that I will do everything I can to not let that happen. I know I have to face my destiny because it's what I've chosen to do. But I love you and I want us to have a life together. I'll do whatever it takes to make that happen. As long as I know you love me.” Harry said, holding her close.
Hermione hugged him tightly, feeling his heart beating against hers. She couldn't believe that all she hoped for was coming true. Harry loved her. As much as she loved him. And she suddenly knew that that was all that mattered. She couldn't worry about losing him. He wanted to live for her, he would try as hard as he could to survive. And she would be there for him. Always by his side.
They lay in each other's arms, their eyes telling each other all the truth they ever needed to know.